i'm swimming in a sea of you my sweet
love me with all your might
the sea is full of rips and tides
go in strongly and you'll survive

we both know it wont be easy
but we move in, with open arms
i'll grab your hand gently
then squeezing the the wrist
first i'll whisper my love softly
then scream it into the blank abyss

the day is over
the night has arrived
but i'm still here, standing by your side
walking out of the ocean
with our two legs

i feel as if you shut me out
but all i want is to bring you love
to rip it up from underneath
and then bloom you out from under the ground

close your eyes my dear
the sky is blue, i wont shed a single tear
i want you closer, so much closer
promise me on trying harder
i need you here in my time of need
you need me there in your time of need
i'll pick you up slowly

be patient for me
i'll give you my best
i'll give you my all
stay closer, so much closer

Sunday

it's mothers day and it's suppose to be a happy day for everyone. but of course not me. i didn't wish my mom a happy mothers day because i didn't want her to have a good one. i don't even want to go into detail why. i just want to get out of this town and start a new life, i'm not happy anymore and i don't even ave decent friends to care. i just want something good and new.

wednesday

school is catching up to me, only a couple of weeks left. i've never had a desire to not do anything in my life as strong as i have it now.

currently i am drawing an owl and listening to explosions in the sky. listen to that band, i swear so beautiful i love this music.

today keith came over and i made my killer tacos(nonmeat of course) and that was real nice, i enjoy seeing him and laughing. i just realized that this is like a diary to me. well i guess that's what a blog is, an online diary.

i'll leave you with this because i have work to do. till next time! <3

wednesday

have you ever just wanted to leave? just leave everything behind and take off with just one person or a few people? i've been wanting this lately, well more often then lately. i hate it here, i hate the feeling of uselessness. i want to do something, i want to move on. ugh, i don't even know how to explain it

thursday

i don't know if anyone could find this man unattractive. he should be in my life.
but anyways, i haven't gone to school for three days and tomorrow is friday also, my sisters birthday. free cake and ice cream i'm all down for it. the fact that next year my sister is going to be a teenager, i'm not down. having all of this alone time to think sucks. my head overflows with insecurities and it's not all that fun
so the past couple of days haven't been all that exciting to me, kind of sucky. we'll see where the weekend takes me though, hopefully things will turn around and the weekend will be great. (hey my sister wont be here, that already makes it good and it's only thursday!)

basically

i love keith, just throwing that out there :D and i love bon iver, it's really helping my mood right now, you have no idea. today i felt so low. i can't believe it. i need better people in my life and i NEED a job. it's ridiculous. i want to move out too. i hate feeling trapped under these walls. i am so hard on myself, i need to stop feeling sorry for myself because it's just bringing me down

but hopefully i'll start blogging on here more, if not i know for a fact i'll be on tumblr
salmonowl.tumblr.com

hello!

if you have a tumblr, you should follow me
salmonowl.tumblr.com

i'm on that like everyday so yeah
but i hope all is well (:

holy jesus

i totally forgot about blogger, i am sorry to say that i am absolutely addicted to tumbr, so if you see this, follow me!
http://ifishuwish.tumblr.com/

i love everyone thats reads this <3

not too creative or imagintive?

i realized every time i write a short story and i have to create a main character, the character always has the same traits and problems as i do. is this just me not being creative with my writing skills or me not being imaginative and going out of my box? i don't know these answers but maybe it give me self realization and self learning. i have no idea. maybe it's normal. oh well. i just felt like i needed to share this.

late

so i haven't wrote anything in my blog for what it seem like ages! i wanted to express and let the world, whoever stumbles upon this, in on my life. for halloween i was both an indian(for school) and i zombie for a haunted house. i've never done that before so i gave it a try, it was a lot of fun scaring people. the bad part was that i got an allergic reaction to the make up they put on me and my cheeks swelled and broke out in a rash. i had to miss two days of school because i refused to show my face, i went to the doctors and they gave me stuff for it and i'm going to school tomorrow. i'm excited! i love school, but then i don't at the same time. so controversial. let's see, what else can i say? oh i believe i am getting more artistic, which was one of my goals for my senior year and i'm happy for that, well who wouldn't be? i'm with a guy who treats me so good and there in no complaint with that, we're too cool end of story. fantastic mr. fox comes out soon, i'm excited for that, wes anderson is great. i've been reading this book called "naked" by david senaris, i would recomend everyone to read it because at some parts it had me laughing out loud, great book. i'm in love with my creative writing class, i don't know if they know it or not but that is my favorite class and i think that period is like a little family. i have some of the coolest conversations in that class, so cool. well i think that's it for now, that's a lot of information i think, so have a great one! i know i will

the great

all i have to say is that i have found a wonderful companion, i am extremely happy for our relationship, i don't get sick of him and i can be my complete self around him and not feel like he is judging me because he is right next to be being just as strange. i am so happy for us (:

madness

so about last week or something along the lines of last week i realized how positive i am. and it kind of amazed me and knocked me off my feet when i thought this because i have been through some really hard time and when some people have been through some vulnerable times in their lives they tend to be more pessimistic and i lean towards extreme optimism. i'm so glad that i have been able to stay so strong, well i've had many weak points but i never once though oh things are going to get worse. i just thought i'd share this with the reader (:

something more

There was a steady breeze as I looked out the window
I saw the starry night's sky as I lifted my head
That cool blue moon made me feel so alone
But my sensuality rest assured me
Even when there might seem like there is nothing more
There is so much more to look forward to

soooo

i got all of my book today for my final year of high school, my whole two books. i'm pretty excited about this but i'm bummed because i had to choose between dropping art 2 or painting, i had to give up painting. but oh well right? i felt like i had to update a new blog because i haven't in awhile so hear you go (:

humor?

it's kind of funny how when something so good happens time seems to fly right past you, but when nothing is really happening at all the time slows down. but then you stop and look back but you realize how fast time has been traveling. i don't know, it's an interesting thing to think about. to me at least it is. there is so much more out there then what the eye can see, i think it's fascinating that it's somewhat of a mystery, but then sometimes i wish there was an answer to some of the natural things that occur. i don't know. i guess i'm going to say this, take some time to think about the things you normally do nt think about, it might make you feel a little refreshed in your mind. it's your choice too (:

climb higher

dry

i hate, hate, hate having writers block, but i promise i will get my momentum back again, and soon. i miss the words flowing through my mind and having to repeat them until i get a writing utensil and some paper to write it down on. it never is the same as how it originally flew through my mind. haha i dont even know why i'm putting all of this extra tid bit, but the more you know the better you are, right? i think so.


be happy with life, have a wonderful night/day/etc!!!

emotion

and so i as i think about it more and more, will the feeling ever go away? i dont know im still waiting for the day that it will maybe decide to leave me. i am so confused inside and i dont know where i am headed in life, but i know i have ambition to go somewhere. i want something more, but im just getting something less, it's probably just me and the decisions i make right? i want normalicty back in my life, i'm so sick of sharing my room with my mother and my sister, i wish for all god damns sake that my mother would get out and leave me instead of reminding me everyday of that past i don't want to see. i'm not hiding from that past because it's part of me, but i will never forgive what she has done to me. i want someone to talk to smoothly, i want a person i can be my compete self around and someone who will almost get me and someone who wont hold my imperfections against me. i want that feeling to last again without the outcome of a crushed let down feeling. i want to be able to decide something without it being so hard and then without me feeling so awkward to suggesting my decision. i'm glad that i'm having some help with that. i know all of this isnt making too much of sense but i'm releasing my emotions, my feelings, and my anger. i think i just want to be understood without trying too hard, i want to be loved for being me, nothing more, nothing less. i want to be heard by someone, and i want to hear someone/something. i am done with this, i feel a dash bit of betterness.

have a lovely day

again

i kind of almost forgot how this feeling felt and i'm sure glad it's happening to me once again. it seems as things are going pretty good for me so far and i cant wait to see what else comes to me cause i'm waiting patiently to find out! oo the joy of it all haha. and this book i'm stoked on this book i'm making even though i'm giving it to someone as a present. ah i feel so good (:

I AM

i did this, i'm living, i'm happy, i moved on, i'm learning, i'm listening, i'm caring, i'm sharing, i'm growing, i'm expanding, i'm doing new things, i'm doing old things, i'm laughing, i'm smiling, i'm hurting sometimes, i'm picking myself up, i'm bringing myself down, i'm blooming, i'm not so shy, i'm knowing more what i want, i'm still upset, i'm feeling, i'm enjoying, i'm daring, i'm ecstatic, i'm not letting this happen to me again, i'm deciding(kind of), i'm being helped, i'm helping, i'm making up, i'm pleasing, and their is sooo much more that doesn't even come to mind. but im happy, the summer WILL do me good and i think the new school year will too.

have a good (fill in the blank) like always!

secret

so i decided i will one day in fact, hopefully soon, will send a secret i recently have to post secret. im definitely NOT telling anyone personally what it is, only one person knows, what my biggest secret is. i think that whole organization, whatever it is, is really cool. i mean you have to let it out one time or another and knowing that a lot of people read them makes it feel like you let it out grandly because no one really knows it's you. also i picked up this book in barnes&nobles today, how to be an explorer of the world and it was such a good book so i went to micheals ad i bought this cardboard notebook thing and im going to write all of my ideas in it and im going to create it in a most interesting way. i am so excited for this. im also so excited for it being summer! im technically a senior now and i cant wait, all of my classes are going to be good and im going to make up some credit over the summer and hopefully, HOPEFULLY, get a decent job somewhere! but anyways i felt like i havent given a nice decent blog recently so i wanted to update on my life. i hope you enjoyed (:

start

i just have to say that this summer better do me good and my last year of high school too, even though i dont know where im going now. but i know i'll know soon enough, i just have to give it some time.


have a good night/day/week/month/morning/evening/second/minute/hour...you know, every moment of your great life (:

something new

i sat upon a fallen tree
listening, pondering, on what lies beneath
thinking of a natural spring
in needing of cleansing
the sun beat down on my bare shoulder
rejoicing the hope inside of me
that breeze filled the void in my blood stream
in my mind i never felt so natural

i just came apart walking through the forest
i shed the shame in the river bed
the sun warmed me with hope
i am new again

memory

today i was in algebra 2 class and we weren't doing anything too important and this memory flashed through my head. so i wrote it all down on a piece of paper so i can remember it again and post it on here, so here it is:

i have this memory in my head, i am unsure if it actually happened or it was a dream but i was holding something in my hand today and i realized my arm was shaking a little. this brought up a childhood memory in my mind. one time i was at Buffalo bills in state line and this old man in a black suit was talking to me. i think i was about five years old, maybe four. he started telling me about how he was here with his wife and how he loved children and how i reminded him of his grand daughter. my mom called me to leave and this man shook my hand. i remember looking at his arm and it was shaking intensively. and i remember that i was thinking, wow, why is he shaking so much? but i didn't say anything. but then this old man was like little girl, all old people shake and someday it will happen to you. i don't know why but this was a significant memory in my life.

this old man wasn't a perv or anything either, he was extremely sweet and that memory is so clear in my head, it feels like it happened yesterday or something.

wild

so this weekend i went up into the mountains, to be specific i went to lake sabrina right above Bishop. i cant tell you how amazing it feels when you first get out of the car and smell that nice mountain air. we set up camp and basically just looked around our campsite, it was close to a little stream so we advantured and i took some pictures that day. then night fell so we ate dinner and so on...the smell of the fire and the way you get so hypnotized by staring at the flames for to long is crazy. you could get lost in that trance for hours and have no clue where the time went. that night i slept horribley on a little couch and i was freezing to death in the night. when i awoke my legs were so sore and stiff from sleeping uncomfortabley. but when we set out for fishing in the morning, since i dont fish, i was climbing all over these rocks and jumping around trying to get some more great pictures. after all of that adventure i was taking, i laid out on this rock that was hovering over the water and just rest some more, since my family was still sleeping. my family caught about 14 fish and then we decided that we should go back to camp to eat. while resting a little we went out for a drive around the mountain to south lake. wile driving up there i noticed it was getting colder and that there was more snow and the higher we went the more snow was around and melting all over the road and there was waterfalls and beautiful trees everywhere. when we got up to the lake, the lake was still 75% frozen over and i swear that sight right there was one of the most beautiful sights i have ever seen. it looked like a lake you would see in Alaska or some other cold place like that. i took some pictures and walked down near the lake. we left after that to go eat dinner and sit by the fire again, that night i slept much better and in the morning we packed up and left back home. i am so happy that we went camping finally and i hope you enjoyed reading this as much i enjoyed doing it! :D