secret

so i decided i will one day in fact, hopefully soon, will send a secret i recently have to post secret. im definitely NOT telling anyone personally what it is, only one person knows, what my biggest secret is. i think that whole organization, whatever it is, is really cool. i mean you have to let it out one time or another and knowing that a lot of people read them makes it feel like you let it out grandly because no one really knows it's you. also i picked up this book in barnes&nobles today, how to be an explorer of the world and it was such a good book so i went to micheals ad i bought this cardboard notebook thing and im going to write all of my ideas in it and im going to create it in a most interesting way. i am so excited for this. im also so excited for it being summer! im technically a senior now and i cant wait, all of my classes are going to be good and im going to make up some credit over the summer and hopefully, HOPEFULLY, get a decent job somewhere! but anyways i felt like i havent given a nice decent blog recently so i wanted to update on my life. i hope you enjoyed (:

start

i just have to say that this summer better do me good and my last year of high school too, even though i dont know where im going now. but i know i'll know soon enough, i just have to give it some time.


have a good night/day/week/month/morning/evening/second/minute/hour...you know, every moment of your great life (:

something new

i sat upon a fallen tree
listening, pondering, on what lies beneath
thinking of a natural spring
in needing of cleansing
the sun beat down on my bare shoulder
rejoicing the hope inside of me
that breeze filled the void in my blood stream
in my mind i never felt so natural

i just came apart walking through the forest
i shed the shame in the river bed
the sun warmed me with hope
i am new again

memory

today i was in algebra 2 class and we weren't doing anything too important and this memory flashed through my head. so i wrote it all down on a piece of paper so i can remember it again and post it on here, so here it is:

i have this memory in my head, i am unsure if it actually happened or it was a dream but i was holding something in my hand today and i realized my arm was shaking a little. this brought up a childhood memory in my mind. one time i was at Buffalo bills in state line and this old man in a black suit was talking to me. i think i was about five years old, maybe four. he started telling me about how he was here with his wife and how he loved children and how i reminded him of his grand daughter. my mom called me to leave and this man shook my hand. i remember looking at his arm and it was shaking intensively. and i remember that i was thinking, wow, why is he shaking so much? but i didn't say anything. but then this old man was like little girl, all old people shake and someday it will happen to you. i don't know why but this was a significant memory in my life.

this old man wasn't a perv or anything either, he was extremely sweet and that memory is so clear in my head, it feels like it happened yesterday or something.

wild

so this weekend i went up into the mountains, to be specific i went to lake sabrina right above Bishop. i cant tell you how amazing it feels when you first get out of the car and smell that nice mountain air. we set up camp and basically just looked around our campsite, it was close to a little stream so we advantured and i took some pictures that day. then night fell so we ate dinner and so on...the smell of the fire and the way you get so hypnotized by staring at the flames for to long is crazy. you could get lost in that trance for hours and have no clue where the time went. that night i slept horribley on a little couch and i was freezing to death in the night. when i awoke my legs were so sore and stiff from sleeping uncomfortabley. but when we set out for fishing in the morning, since i dont fish, i was climbing all over these rocks and jumping around trying to get some more great pictures. after all of that adventure i was taking, i laid out on this rock that was hovering over the water and just rest some more, since my family was still sleeping. my family caught about 14 fish and then we decided that we should go back to camp to eat. while resting a little we went out for a drive around the mountain to south lake. wile driving up there i noticed it was getting colder and that there was more snow and the higher we went the more snow was around and melting all over the road and there was waterfalls and beautiful trees everywhere. when we got up to the lake, the lake was still 75% frozen over and i swear that sight right there was one of the most beautiful sights i have ever seen. it looked like a lake you would see in Alaska or some other cold place like that. i took some pictures and walked down near the lake. we left after that to go eat dinner and sit by the fire again, that night i slept much better and in the morning we packed up and left back home. i am so happy that we went camping finally and i hope you enjoyed reading this as much i enjoyed doing it! :D

remembrance

so today is my dogs birthday, he has been gone for a year and a month now. i wanted to give a remembrance to him because today i have been thinking of him all day long today. so here it is, rest in peace my beautiful boy, i miss you so much and i know you are happy and in no pain now and i am glad of that. i love and miss you so much my beautiful Booboo boy<3

gaining

so lately i have felt so vulnerable and i let myself go for a moment. but i will get over that and im certain that will not happen again, i can stop myself. for the past couple of days the people i have been around have been such crabby people and so caring about themselves and it really has bummed me out. sometimes i just let out all of the frustration and hurt and sometimes i think and i think of all the good in my life and that all the good that will come out.
in psychology we covered aspect of positive psychology, and i have to say this is my favorite subject that we have covered yet. i know that i am living my life to optimum and that i try to learn from mistakes and just learn from the positives really. i know that i want to help people and i know i want to find more people to connect with, just to feel that "click" with another person. i am trying to grow more with my intimacy too, and no not sex wise but rather a meaningful relationship, being accepted, and grow soulfully with a mate. i want a job that makes me want to get up and go to work and be extremely happy while working, i want to value what i am doing rather then being miserable but making ton loads of cash while doing it, there is no point into that. i also want more altruism as well. basically i am going down the list of the notes my teacher made us take, and she is the best teacher, she explains things so you will get it and i find that fantastic.
i also love the fact that we are going to making a book, all of mrs. chaddick's students and former students, that we get to give a page of a poem, drawing, short story...etc. and all of the profits of the book, that is if it does get out there and i sure hope it does, is going to charity. like in Uganda or another poverty stricken country. i am so excited for this you have no clue!
but anyways i will wrap this up now, i am hoping that you will have a wonderful night, day, morning, evening, and so on!

oh and P.S.
have you seen 'where the wild things are' trailer? oh lordy watch it! i so cant wait for this either, it looks amazing.